Akhil Bharatiya Samuhik Mahila Jansangram (All India United/Mass Females Struggle): April 16, 2009

Alrite, this is a sad attempt at drawing attention.
But, for a very noble cause.

A Birthday poem for one of my Best friends, Saurabh Sharma. (I think I just heard
the female population collectively sigh, and coo:
"Aw! That's so Sweeeet!!" You bet it is! :) )

Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the very Best that MDI has to offer:-

Our very Own,
Sylvester Stallone (Wow, that rhymes! Should I go ahead, and compose the
entire poem? Naaah! Accha, chalo dekhta hoon)

Doston ka dost,
Dushmanon ka Ghost (Again! Am on a roll!)     

He is a rare gem, I tell yous,
Reading is against his 'Core Values'

Doesn't need a reason to be (cash or) kind,
Is only slightly of an unsound mind!

Marquity, Illumnia, ho ya Guitar
Baalak humaara hai bada Zimmedar

Sacchai, Imaandari, Kartavyanishtha, evam amazing levels of Gyaan
Ladka Heera hai, Sampoorna Sarva Guna Sampann

Dil ka hai Khandani Rayees
Bees aur ek hote hain Ekees! (Sorry!)

Section D, MDI tatha Tata Motors ki Aan Baan Shaan
Humara 'Ex-CR' aur Tata Nano ka model Bada Mahan
Iski suhani Sharmili Muskaan
Jai Juwaan, Jai Kisaan! (Sorry. Again.)

Meharban, Kadradan, Saheban, Shrimaan
Thookdan, Peekdan, Saawadhan
Bahut saari gaaliyan yeh dega mujhe
Sunday ho ya Monday, roz khao Andey

Bahut hua Atyachaar, Durachaar, Vyabhichaar, Anachar
Janam diwas ki badhaiyan lijiye through Patrachar


Ho Shankh Naad,
Striyon mein Unmaad
Kavita ke naam per
kiya maine Jaghanya Aparadh

After the random poem, full of venom
Pesh hai the man, the legend, the phenom:-

(In Bold, Italic, Underline, and Neon Glittering Hoarding style Highlight)
The name is Sharma. Saurabh Sharma.
Less than God. Better than Bond.

Basically, Multiple Happy Returns to my dearest buddy.
Wishes: the Choicest, Selected, and Finest, so that Providence may deem
fit to shower thy noble being with the very Best of Good Fortune upon thy
Noble Being!
:)

Aapka apna
Shakespeare ki aulaad
Baju of non-faulaad
Pratyush

On Instinct, Rationality and Rationalizing

This short post (by my standards!) reflects on the fine art of instinct, applauds Malcolm Gladwell, and generally goes on without much purpose in its short existence.
By now, I've learned to accept that my general thought process can be alarmingly disturbing.

Actually, this is just a liftoff of something that was supposed to be a comment before it broke all laws to resemble something quite against the disposition of its brethren.

Here goes. My two pence, in the form of two points:-

1. Instinct: 'Blink' may help you in understanding what exactly is the much touted 'instinct' all about. As Malcolm Gladwell explains in his famous work, there is a 'structure for spontaneity'. Instinct isn't random. Careful practice/observation and learning over a lot of time helps your mind develop complex structures so that your heart takes a spontaneous decision in a split second, based on, as people say, 'pure instinct'.

Example: How do many people (and probably you, as well) learn to identify correct or otherwise usage of the Queen's language instantly without ever putting much conscious thought and analysis into the process?

How does a basketball expert know exactly at what angle and with what force to throw the ball at the hoop to score a 3-pointer?

Ans: Instinct! The 'heart' at play. But, the structure for the instinct was developed through numerous years of rigorous training & discipline.
Hence, it is usually, a simultaneous interplay of both the powerful forces of heart & mind that gets stuff working, the way it is supposed to work.

2. Rationality: Somebody said that the rational thought differentiated medieval and modern times.
One may outrageously extrapolate this line of thought to state that our evolution from the days our ancestors jumped about on trees, and found utter peace and seemingly unintelligent contentment in a banana tree, to today's age of utter insanity, owes credit to the rational man (Yeah, even women, for the sake of womanity/humanity!, I don't want to be lynched by pretty women, when there are so many better possible options with them out there!)

However, also note, that wisdom over the ages clearly establish that women (& the Godfosaken men for God's sake!) over the ages haven't exactly been rational creatures. Instead, they have been rationalizing creatures! We tend to develop rationals for anything and everything that suits our point of view. Eventually, as I heard someone say today, "Even subjectivity can be defined subjectively."

Ad infinitum!

This one comes from the folder 'My Writeups and Ppts' on my laptop. Should have been here a long time ago. Then again, a lot of things should have been at a lot of places. But are they really there?
I suggest we go look for them sometime. They must just be inside us, curled up, in front of the warmth of our heart's radiance pondering on just how hideously slothful can our beings get, simmering with anger and wanting to self destruct: once and for all.

Oh, and of course, sloth and wrath are amongst the seven cardinal sins.
Whatever, before this turns into being much more hopeless than I originally intended it, to be, and before you are left wondering that either I am totally nuts, or at a different plane of existence altogether, a heightened or a damned level of conscience, and before you start blaming yourself for the world's miseries in general, and your own in particular (You chose to visit this, and read thus far, didn't you. So there.), I would come back to the originally intended subject of the post.

Here we go, alea alea alea (Yeah, cool song Martin, has stayed with me since I was 16).

Alright, I wrote this as part of the application for the Corporate Communications Cell at MDI. The people there were thoroughly impressed/floored/confused, and took me in. I refuse to go away since then, and they have been repenting their moment of insanity ever since.

Oh, and btw, am particularly proud of the level of thought that has gone into this writeup. Of course, people would tend to dismiss it as mere hokum. But, then, as Orwell so famously said: "Sanity is never statistical." And, as I like to say (plagiarised again, of course), "Truth is never a function of the number of people adhering to it."
Its 1:15 am. Perhaps, just for this once, I am insane.

That's about it. Here is the writeup (Really! And, you thought, it would never come? God is kind. Of course, only if he/she actually exists. But, I would tackle that topic with Douglas Adam's assistance sometime later. Perhaps tomorrow. Let us see.And hope. For hope is a good thing. And no good thing ever dies. Or so Shawshank people, and in particular Tim Robbins, believed.)

And, now, I present THE POST!!

The Infinite Monkey Theorem

They say “Monkeying around is serious business!”

They also say that “The surest way of making a monkey of a man is to quote him.”

Well, looks like they were all an idle bunch of infinite monkeys having an infinite amount of spare time along with infinite energy, and they collectively in their infinite wisdom decided that if they infinitely speak random stuff, there will finally emerge a George W. Bush like a monkey from the ashes where a phoenix was supposed to come out!

Yes, I know I’ve made a monkey out of myself, but as I say: “It’s not about the man in the monkey, but the monkey in the man that counts!” (Sorry, dear monkey descendent (anthropos) researchers (ologists)!)

Speaking about my infinite ‘monkeying around’ talents, I’ll say what Prince Charles once said: “I learnt the way a monkey learns-by watching its parents.” All right, now that I’ve finally evolved into a prince from an erstwhile monkey, I hereby declare that I’m eligible and available for an infinite number of kisses from a scarce number of the most beautiful women.

If after reading this masterpiece (comparable to the greatness of The Bard’s ‘Hamlet’), you feel like a monkey ready to tear your hair apart, hold on, I’ve another quote for you from a certain Mr. Donald Rumsfeld: “Keep your sense of humour. As General Joe Stillwell said, "The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."”

Further speaking of what is my personal ‘behind’, I’ve proved to be a rather smart (and conceited) monkey thus proving the infinite monkey theorem right. Out of 5 million possible candidates, my talents earned me a 99+ percentile in the Mensa Test (a global I.Q. test). Some random pen strokes out of close to infinite possibilities earn me this honour!

Signing off now: as Douglas Adams said when he was referring to the dolphins: “So long, and thanks for all the fish!” (What? No monkeys here? Sorry, the quota for them has already exceeded infinity!)

---- EOW (End of Writeup!)

Shall be back later, perhaps tomorrow with an extremely random (yep even by my randomer than the randomest random standards) poem that I composed for a close friend on his Happy Birthday to Him...

On the Oscars, Celebrations, and Attitudes

I penned down some thoughts on the Oscars, the celebrations, and the subsequent criticism of Indian attitudes.

This comes in the wake of hearing a number of intelligent people comment on our attitude.

May be very random and unstructured. So, basically, standard disclaimers apply.

Since the time Slumdog got nominated for several International Awards (including the Oscars!), I've had the opportunity to listen to and to read a number of thought provoking discourses on why our attitude is all wrong, on why we are still behaving like a 3rd World Country with 1st page splash news coverage, and even on why do we need to be so 'desperate', 'insecure', and 'servile'.

Let me try & make an audacious attempt at explaining our behavior!

Throughout the various stages of our evolution, be it during our 'Sone ki chidiya' days, our during our colonised years, our during the present stage of a possible revival; India has always been a country marked by loud expression of emotion.

We've always celebrated with gusto at the thousand or so festivals every year and at at the cricket matches. We have cried our hearts out over films, and even while reading stories as kids. Hero(ine!) adulation is an integral part of the Great Indian culture.

We've always liked it large!

The teeming millions of the country find a symbol of hope in the achievements of any public figure. His or her exploits are identified with by every teenager who aspires, and by every elder who still desires.

Cinema and cricket have always been ways to connect the multiply divergent diaspora together by common sacrosanct threads. Vicarious pleasure would be the appropriate term.

And, of course, the world shall always listen to, and history shall always be dictated, credibility shall always be awarded to the Powers that be Therefore, this instance appears no different. It is not really as much about a 'slavish' mentality as about a very natural state of existence for humanity at large.

The Oscars are byfar the most celebrated film awards anywhere. And, this one marked several firsts for our Great country. Of course, recognition (or the lack of it) of Indian sensibilities at western award functions would bring us to a different level of debate altogether.

Now, I come to my favorite point.

Given the times we live in, with fear, mistrust, cynicism, and negativity, all around, any opportunity to feel a little happy, rejoice, and enjoy should be very welcome. Therefore, instead of questioning the ways of our revelling, and instead of trying to 'ape' western sensibilities by being a little more subtle in our methods, let us just be ourselves!

Let us revel in our own singularity. There is, really, no country like India!

The world may laugh calling it ostentatious, but can they inspire the same amount of wild joy in anything that they do, as we can in a Holi day out?

Celebrate, India, Celebrate!

P.S. : Congratulations, Rahman, Russel, Gulzar et al!!